


In Need of Counselling

by dont_read_this_garbage



Category: Original Work
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, High School, Implied Sexual Content, Incest, M/M, i wrote this over 5 years ago and i don't remember enough to tag more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-12 00:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19217599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_read_this_garbage/pseuds/dont_read_this_garbage
Summary: Ari is your average High School freshman...who is in love with his older brother. Join him on his journey to bury those feelings deep, deep down and then ultimately fail miserably!





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Ok full disclosure. I wrote this over 5 years ago when I was like...16? 17 maybe? It's...bad. But remembering it gave me a good chuckle and I know anyone who cares about my writing is depraved enough to read it. Hopefully you have a good laugh too. I will not be finishing it, so just be warned you WILL be left on a cliffhanger.
> 
> Also incest is bad IRL please don't do that.
> 
> K have fun!

It is _not_ natural to enter the pubescent world to the image of your older brother. For that matter, it isn’t natural to reach that point with the image of any guy. Not if you yourself are a guy. Which, I am. My name’s Ari. I don’t know where my mom got the name, but apparently it means pure or something like that. It couldn’t be farther from the truth. I feel so sick and unpure every day. And it’s all _his_ fault.

As wrong as it is, I am that kid who had his first awkward masturbation session to the idea of his brother. But, I mean, it wasn’t my fault. I was only twelve. I couldn’t control the fact that watching my sweaty brother run around the soccer field caused my pants to tighten. It just did. Luckily I was able to sneak to the bathroom without my mom noticing, but keeping quiet while I experimented with things to make me feel better while locked in a stall was difficult. Luckily I knew what was going on, though. I’ve heard so many stories about kids who freaked out and had to ask someone else for help. I mean, how embarrassing is that? My school gave us a tiny lecture in the fifth grade.

Anyway, I was freaked out that Aaron’s face and body kept popping into my mind with every stroke I performed. No matter who else I tried to conjure up, it kept coming back to him. His smile, his tan skin, the way his blonde hair swished around in his eyes when it was wet. And I swear I could almost smell him when I released. My imagination was a messed up thing.

I found myself unable to watch Aaron for the rest of the game, and I only offered a brief congratulation on his team’s victory on the car ride home. I then proceeded to shut myself in my room. I knew I needed to sleep on this. Hopefully the next morning the horrid thoughts would be out of my head. Then I could go back to my little pre-teen life and enjoy my video games and junk food like a normal kid.

I was pretty much right. The urge to be around Aaron diminished back to the normal brotherly admiration I had always felt. Or, at least, I thought it had. How was I to know that the first time we went to the pool for the summer and he removed his shirt I would be right back in the position I had been in at the game? I really did try to resist it that time. I thought of every repulsive thing in my arsenal, including the time I walked in on my naked Grandma. It helped a little, but then I would hear Aaron’s laugh from outside of the locker room and it came back in full force.

By the time I emerged from the locker room with a flushed face he was off playing with some kids his age. I didn’t mind. In addition to being scared of what he did to my body I was used to being apart from him. With a three year age difference I was usually left to admire him (in a platonic way) from afar and hope that I could be as cool as him one day. It was just how our lives went.

After that I made a decision that I needed to be even more distant from Aaron. Of course he didn’t notice this decision, because not much really changed. But in my mind it was a step in the right direction. The direction that would steer me into a normal, heterosexual relationship one day.


	2. Chapter 1

Fast forward a couple years and here I am. I say fast forward, because nothing really interesting happened in those years. I avoided Aaron, he didn’t care. Life was normal. Now, though, I feel the most nervous I’ve ever felt. Because tomorrow is the day that I’m going to start high school. It wouldn’t be so bad except that I know I’m going to be surrounded by a bunch of new people. Our high school combines two of the area middle schools into one big building. Again, that wouldn’t be so bad if I was like everyone else and traveled to the other side of town once in a while and made friends, but I kinda made a bit of a social outcast out of myself. I just don’t like being around other people.

Anyway, I see high school as a way to start fresh, really put myself out there. Hopefully I can make a friend or two. I want to start by getting a fresh look. Mom took me out shopping yesterday. I got some simple jeans and tee shirts. She seemed upset that I was making a big deal out of those simple garments, but I stand by my opinion that they’re better than Aaron’s tight fitting wife beater tank tops. Those things just show off way too much tanned, muscular skin. Ugh I can’t think of that right now!

We’re currently in the waiting area of the salon so I can get a haircut, which is kind of necessary. My hair is completely in my eyes to the point where I have to push it out of my face. And of course that makes me look really dumb. So here I am in hopes of remedying that. The only problem is that I have no idea what I want to look like so I’m searching frantically through magazines to find a good style before my appointment is up. So far it isn’t going very well. I don’t like any of these guy hair styles.

“Hey,” Aaron says suddenly, “What about this one?” 

He holds up a magazine with a picture of a black haired guy with a swishy, almost emo fringe on his head. I can’t really imagine it, but he smiles as he looks back and forth between me and the picture.

“I think it would look good on you, bro.” I feel a blush rise to my cheeks and I know I’m sold. I shouldn’t want to please Aaron with my looks, but the fact that something as simple as a haircut could make him like me more…I can’t turn it down.

I nod, “Yeah, okay.”

“Ari Hix?” A girl in a way too tight t-shirt and way too short shorts says, walking up to us. Jealousy rises in my gut as Aaron immediately checks her out.

“That’s me,” I say, getting up and snatching the magazine from Aaron.”

“Great!” she smiles way too cheerfully and claps her hands, “My name’s Rachel and I will be cutting your hair today.” Great. I’ll probably end up bald or worse.

Instead of voicing my concerns I follow her to the sink where she washes my hair. I always enjoy this part of getting a haircut. As weird as it is to have someone else wash your hair, it also feels so relaxing and nice. She finishes very quickly and guides me over to one of the stations, sitting me in a chair and draping one of those tarp things around my neck. Then she takes the magazine from me and stares at the picture for a couple of seconds.

“This is the one you want?” she asks, pointing.

“Yeah,” I answer plainly.

“Good choice! So, do you want just the cut or should I dye it too?”

I didn’t think of that. I look at the stringy dishwater blonde hair in front of my face. I mean, it can’t hurt, really. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf. Why not get a _completely_ new look?

“Yeah, black sounds awesome.” I say before I can doubt myself and she smiles before getting to work. I shut my eyes and try to relax as I feel the hair fall away from my head. It feels so short after a while. Then she, presumably, starts styling it because I feel a lot of tugs on my bangs. I open my eyes when I feel hot air on my face and see that she’s blow-drying it. Once it’s dry she takes a straightener and smooths out the slight flip at the bottom.

“There,” she smiles confidently, “See how you like it.”

I spin around and gaze at myself in the mirror. I barely recognize myself, and she hasn’t even put the color in yet! It looks almost identical to the guy in the book, except with a less bad-ass edge because it’s on my wide-eyed face. After a minute of staring I turn back to her and smile.

“And here I thought you were some ditsy bimbo who was gonna botch my hair,” _and bang my brother_ , I add silently. She laughs at my joke.

“Most people do. It’s because of how young I am. Most sixteen year olds don’t bag salon jobs, but I grew up learning this stuff. My mom owns the place. Anyway, I need you to sit back so I can apply the dye. I just got it all mixed up.”

“Oh, alright,” I do as she says and she begins lathering my hair with this weird foam stuff. It smells so chemically I almost gag. 

“This is the base color. It won’t change your hair too much, but since you have virgin locks it’ll help the real color stick,” she explains, “Oh! I should go tell your family it’s going to be a while. You just sit tight.”

Because I have a choice? No way am I doing anything with a chemical mess in my hair. So I sit patiently for her return. Unfortunately, she comes back with Aaron tailing her, and she’s laughing up a flirtatious storm. I might throw up from the hormones flying off both their bodies. Why does my brother have to be such a slut?

“Bro…What are you doing?” he asks with a snicker and a shake of his head. 

“Dying my hair. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Man, that is so girly. I just meant for you to get the cut.” 

I glare at him, “Oh as if you don’t bleach your hair. Nobody’s buying it. Mom, Dad and I all have the same shade of blonde. How is it yours came out dazzling and golden?” Oh shit. I just called his hair dazzling. Oh well, it might not be a bad slip…Calm down…

He blushes and glances over at Rachel, “I…I’m just out in the sun a lot. This is all natural.”

Rachel runs her hand through his hair, “No, honey, it’s not. I can see your roots,” she says with a giggle. I smirk at him.

“Whatever,” he huffs before sulking off into the waiting area.

“I didn’t say it looks bad…” Rachel says under her breath before turning back to me, “Okay, we need to get that rinsed out so we can get the real color in.”

Almost two hours later I walk out to my family and do a confident hair-flip. I’m not normally a confident person, but even I have to admit that I look good. The silky black hair in my face feels so nice. I’m actually starting to get excited for school. Mom squeals and hugs me.

“You look so handsome, sweetie!” she says.

“Thanks,” I say and look at Aaron.

“Hmmm,” he says, circling me, “Maybe this is a good thing. Nobody will be able to tell we’re related.”

My heart clenches a bit at that. I can think of some good uses for people not knowing that. Like…holding hands…Or kissing…Or…No! I can’t think like that! All this means is that we can distance ourselves at school like we do at home. Seriously, just one more year and he’ll be gone. Out of sight out of mind. I can make it that long…Right?


	3. Chapter 2

I lied! I can _not_ make it that long! Aaron has some harebrained idea that it’s his job to condition me for high school. That conditioning means spending as much time with me as possible to teach me the ropes. He made me sit in a room with him alone for hours last night. I didn’t even hear any of the tips he gave me. I was too busy staring into his beautiful blue eyes. Speaking of, why does he get such pretty eyes? Mine came out green…

Anyway, I was so happy when he finally let me run to bed. And I mean run. I had to get away from him before I did or said something stupid. But then he made me ride with him to school this morning, something he hasn’t even offered since he got his license. He didn’t want me “cramping his style” or something like that. I didn’t mind. I was perfectly comfortable on the bus. Sitting with him in his truck just inspired too many fantasies…

I once again narrowly escaped without revealing things. I ran to the cafeteria and sat in an unnoticed corner until they announced for all of the freshmen to go to the gym. That’s where I am now, sitting in a bleacher while some speaker, presumably our class president, drones on and on. I like that we’re spending the first half of the day in orientation instead of class, but they didn’t have to make it so boring. I yawn more in five minutes than I usually do in a day. 

“Please give a warm round of applause to Mr. Kerrington.” The guy at the podium concludes as a young looking teacher type person takes his place. I clap out of respect, but that’s about it.

“Hello. It’s nice to see some of your bright faces this morning. And those of you who look like you’re ready to fall asleep…Get excited! You’re in high school! That’s an accomplishment!” I think he meant that as a joke…But it isn’t very funny…

“As Jake said, I am Mr. Kerrington, but I’d feel more comfortable if you called me Steve or Mr. K or anything else that doesn’t make me sound intimidating. To coin the most corny guidance counselor phrase of all times, I want to be your friend!” I don’t really know why I’m still listening to him. He’s just being all sorts of cheesy. “But seriously, my job is to make sure you guys graduate in four years. But it’s also to be here for you to talk to if there’s anything you need help with. Seriously. I won’t judge and I won’t tell. My office is always open. That being said, stay in school, keep your grades up, and I’ll see you around.”

Oh. So that’s why I was listening. I wonder if I really could talk to him. Probably not. I don’t care what he says; he would judge me for my issues. Still, it’s something to keep in mind. If this whole thing ever gets to be too much…Which I can see happening pretty soon, I’ll need a friendly ear. There’s no way I’d tell any of my peers. I do kind of want to make friends this year.

The rest of orientation drones on with little tips about high school and things that we need to do to start the year right. Then they ship us off to the cafeteria for lunch. After retrieving my plate of slop I scurry over to the table I sat at during breakfast. However, this time it doesn’t remain empty. A girl with rainbow-streaked black hair comes and sits by me. I actually know her. She hasn’t changed other than the different colored hair for the past three years.

“Hey. Are you new here?” She asks. This coming from a girl who’s been in my classes since pre-k.

I sigh, “No, Jennifer, I am not new.” Seriously. My hair doesn’t make me _that_ unrecognizable.

Her eyes widen a bit at the shock of me knowing her name, “Oh. Well, what’s your name?”

Okay, can I just bang my head on the table now? “Ari.”

Her eyes widen even more, “Ari _Hix?!”_ I nod, “When did you get so…so…hot?!”

A blush rises to my cheeks. Black hair shouldn’t make me hot. It’s the only thing that’s changed about me. I still have my bony frame. I still have my awkward face. “I…didn’t?”

She laughs and smacks my back, “Alright, whatever you say. Seriously, though, I love the hair.” And then she just starts talking, going on and on about how her summer was and the terrible breakup she had. Honestly, I didn’t even know she was dating someone. She thinks it’s super important though and wants to know my advice on the matter, of which I have none. I tell her something cheesy and she goes back to talking until the bell rings.

“Oh! Let me see your schedule!” she says. I hand it over to her and she squeals. _Squeals._ “We have our next two classes together! Come on!” and then she drags me out of the cafeteria toward some unknown doom. Is this what friendship is supposed to be like? Because it’s feeling pretty one-sided right now…

My last class is like a breath of fresh air because I finally get to be away from Jen (she insists I call her that). Plus it’s a pretty easy hour. The teacher hands out and explains the syllabus before letting us do whatever we want. I end up just doodling in my notebook, but even that’s better than having my ear talked off. I’m almost scared to leave when the bell rings because Jen said she’d see me after school. Sure enough, she’s standing outside my classroom when I get out.

“Ari!” She says as if she wasn’t expecting to see me, “C’mon, walk to the bus with me!” 

“I…um…Sorry, Jen, but…” I catch wavy blonde hair out of the corner of my eye. “I’m riding with my brother! Aaron, wait up!” I call, trying to run away, but Jen catches my arm.

“Alright, well I’ll see you tomorrow!” And then she kisses me on the cheek. Like, what? That is so not okay! She finally releases me and I run up to Aaron who is watching with a smirk on his face.

“Wow. You already have a girl after you?” he says.

I wipe the slime off my cheek, “Yeah, unfortunately. She’s been attached to me all day. It’s torture!”

He laughs, “How is that torture? She’s pretty cute for a freshman. You should go after her.”

I know he wasn’t meaning it to be, but that sentence is a slap in the face. It means he wants me to date people. People that aren’t him. I mean, I don’t know what I was expecting. It’s not like he even knows I like him, let alone returns the feelings. I shouldn’t let it get to me.

“She’s not really…My type.” I say.

“Really? Huh. Well, I guess having a couple friends can’t hurt you either. Just make sure you make it clear to her that that’s all it is. Trust me, if there’s one thing a girl hates, it’s to be led on by a guy.”

I sigh as I climb in the truck, “Yeah…”

He puts a hand on my shoulder, and I swear the touch burns through my shirt, “Being sociable isn’t that hard dude. Just get out there and talk to people.”

I nod, but I’m sure that advice is easier said than done.


	4. Chapter 3

“Ari! Over here!” Jen’s voice greets me as I enter the cafeteria the next day. I make the mistake of looking in her direction and make eye contact. No sense in trying to pretend I didn’t hear her now. She’s waving me over like a madman.

I sigh in defeat and make my way over, “Hey, Jen…and…uh…friends?” I say, looking around at the group of people as I take a seat.

“Oh! Jen you’re so right! He’s adorable!” A girl that I’ve never seen before with hair that looks like a watermelon, hot pink with lime green tips squeals. 

“Isn’t he though? I have no idea where it came from. He used to be a little dork.” Jen replies. Then she notices the baffled look I’m giving her, “Oh, right. Ari, this is Trish, Rico, Sandra, and Jack.” She says, pointing around the table, “Everyone, this is Ari.”

Upon further inspection, I realize that I don’t know any of these people. They must be from the other side of town. Trish is the watermelon girl. Rico is this tiny Mexican dude, and I mean tiny. I consider myself small and he’s half my size! Sandra has prep grade platinum blonde hair, but that’s where the popular look ends with her. Her eyes are rimmed in heavy eyeliner and her lips are painted a deep red, which fully contrasts with the little black dress she’s wearing. She fits snug under Jack’s arm. Jack actually doesn’t look much different from her except that his hair is black and he’s wearing a leather jacket with ripped skinny jeans. Oh, and he doesn’t have any lipstick on either. I can see them being the goth couple of the school…

“Nice to meet you,” Jack says briefly before turning his attention from me, “So, everyone, guess what I got?” Without waiting for anyone to guess he holds up a CD. It looks completely unfamiliar to me, but I’m not much of a music listener so that isn’t a surprise.

“Who’s…Get Scared?” I ask, squinting to read the printed name from where I’m sitting. There’s a collective gasp from around the table.

“You mean you haven’t heard of them? They’re like the soundtrack of our group!” Trish yelps out.

I shrug, “I don’t listen to music much, so…”

“We’ll have to change that,” Rico says, smiling kindly at me. This group is really weird. I can’t even fathom why they’re accepting me without knowing anything about me. Luckily I don’t have time to think too hard on that before the bell rings and my wrist is clamped in Jen’s hand again as she guides us to our apparently shared first hour.

She sits us in the back corner and immediately turns to me, “So. I told you about me yesterday. Tell me about you.” She has a flirtatious gleam in her eye and I feel like now might be the time to clear things up with her.

“Uh, listen Jen. I’m more than happy to be friends with you, but I’m not looking for a girlfriend, so…”

To my surprise, she laughs, “I already knew that, silly! You sent my gaydar off from a mile away!”

I feel a blush rise furiously to my cheeks, “I wh-what?! But I…I’m not…”

“Oh, dear,” she says with a sympathetic look, “I wasn’t aware you were still questioning it. Well, sorry to break it to you, but I don’t think you’ll ever be looking for a girlfriend. Now we should listen to the teacher. She’s giving us a dirty look.” She giggles before turning to the front of the room. I follow suit with everything she said racing through my head.

I’m not gay. At least…I don’t think I am. Aaron’s the only guy I’ve ever liked. Well, technically he’s the only _person_ I’ve ever liked. I mostly blame that on the fact that when I shut him out I kind of started shutting everyone out. Not to mention that I’ve been doing a horrible job of shutting him out anyway. I still talk to him and sit with him in enclosed spaces and fantasize about him…Okay, so I didn’t really try to get rid of my feelings for him at all! I just kind of started hoping they’d go away on their own. That obviously didn’t happen.

“Mr. Hix, are you even listening to me?!” The teacher snaps from the front of the room. I blink up at her.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, what was that?” I can feel my cheeks reddening as everyone stares at me.

“Read rule ten on the syllabus. I’m sure you’ll find it _very_ helpful.”

I gulp and look down at the paper in front of me, quickly scanning it to find the correct line, “All students are to pay strict attention while the teacher is talking. A first offense will be given a warning, but after that disciplinary action may be taken.” 

“Thank you. Next…”

I drown her out again for the rest of the hour. I’m just not in the mood to listen. I’m happy when the bell rings. It’s kind of depressing, though, because I’ve only made it through one class. Plus Jen is standing in front of me with sorrowful eyes. She throws her arms around me in a dramatic hug.

“This is where we part for now. But fear not. I will see you at lunch.” Then she kisses my cheek before skipping off down the hall.

I begrudgingly make my way to my next class, which I’m only able to locate because it’s in the same hall. When I enter the room Rico waves at me from the back. What is it with these people and the back? I’m never going to learn anything from there! Still, I don’t have anyone else to sit by so I go back and slump in the seat next to him.

“Hey,” he says with a smile, “Looks like we’re sharing the torment of history class.”

“Yeah,” I reply with a chuckle. History is my least favorite subject. All the dates just confuse me. “It’ll be bearable with someone to talk to, though. I had last hour with Jen and my gosh that girl is crazy.”

He laughs, “Yeah, I know. She was the same way with me when we became friends. Actually, I wasn’t much different from you either. She grows on you, though. Don’t worry.”

“I don’t know if I _want_ her to grow on me,” I joke, “But anyway, what’s your deal? Why do they keep you around? Wow, that sounded rude…”

“No, it’s okay. I understand. Jen likes that I’m a tiny gay Mexican. She’s one of those girls who fantasizes about gay couples and stuff and she said that one day she _will_ see me kissing another boy.” He shakes his head, “As far as the others go, they introduced me to their lifestyle and it stuck. Therefore, I belong.”

I’m still stuck on that first sentence. Tiny _gay_ Mexican. As in, he’s gay. I should probably make sure I didn’t mishear though, “So…you’re gay?”

He smiles shyly, “Yeah, kinda. That’s not a problem, right?”

“Oh, of course not! Just…” I lower my voice, “How did you know?”

He looks like he’s about to laugh again, “Let’s save this conversation for lunch. The bell’s about to ring.”

As if by magic, the bell rings then and the teacher stands up to begin our first session of torture. God, this day can’t get any longer!

By the time lunch rolls around I’m ready to just leave. I’ve never hated school this much before. It’s like high school is designed to make kids commit suicide. I sigh as I slump in the same seat I was in for breakfast. Jack and Sandra are already seated and eating, and soon Rico, Jen, and Trish join us as well. Rico, to my surprise, sits right next to me, leaving Trish and Jen to argue for the other spot next to me. It’s actually quite comical.

“You got to sit next to him this morning!”

“Well so did you!”

“Yeah, but I don’t have any classes with him!” 

“So?! I told you to get the same schedule as me!”

“I had other classes I need!”

I decide to drown them out and smile at Rico, “Sup?”

“Not much,” he says, swirling his macaroni around, “So, I was thinking. You know, about your question. Do you wanna just come over after school? It is Friday…”

I think for a second, “I think there’s a rule that I can’t spend the night without a week’s notice, but I can probably get away with hanging out for a bit. Let me just call my mom.” I do so and converse with her a bit, finding it extremely easy to convince her to let me go. She even offers for me to spend the night, but I just don’t think I’m ready for that kind of act of friendship yet. I’m still easing into this being social thing. I finally hang up after agreeing on a nine-o’-clock curfew and smile at him. “It’s a go.

He gives a little fist pump that I have to admit is kind of cute, “Yes! This is going to be so much fun!”

“Whoa!” Trish takes a moment out of her bickering to stare at us, “Are you guys planning a sexy gay night without us?!” 

“Uh…” I don’t really know what to say.

Luckily, Rico does, “Down girl. Put your ovaries back where they belong. We’re just getting together to do some history homework. Can you believe the jerkwad gave us some already?” That is actually true. I was shocked when I received the worksheet.

After that the conversation veers to be about unfair teachers and I actually start to feel like I belong. It’s a good feeling.


	5. Chapter 4

Rico stares at me from the other side of his bed and cocks his head to the side. He’s been doing this since we got to his house, and it’s really starting to freak me out! He finally speaks in a gentle tone, “The question of how I knew I was gay is extremely simple to answer. I woke up one day and realized girls had no sexual appeal for me, but guys did. Now, assuming you are questioning your own sexuality, you only need to ask yourself what you find attractive.”

Attractive? I close my eyes, but all I can see is features that obviously belong to Aaron. His blonde hair that always seems to curl right, his dazzling blue eyes, his toned body…Not to mention his personality, which is the perfect mix of fun and responsible. I finally give up with a shake of my head and a sigh, “The problem is that I’ve only been attracted to one person my entire life.”

Rico’s eyes widen slightly, “Really? What’s this person like?”

“I…well, he’s…I don’t know how to describe him.” That’s kind of a lie. I just don’t want to say anything that will let him know that Aaron’s my brother.”

“Okay…What’s his name?”

I wince, “Um…you don’t know him.” Another lie. Everyone knows the star of the soccer team.

“Well then how did you meet him? And how long ago?”

He’s just getting nosy. “We, um, met at…Summer camp?” I sound unsure. He’s got to know that something’s up. “About ten years ago.” If you round it up four years.

He nods, “Well, since this guy is the only person who’s struck your fancy I’m going to need to experiment. Sorry about this.”

He’s up in my face before I even have time to react. He presses his forehead to mine and stares into my eyes. It’s extremely weird, but at the same time I’m captivated by his chocolaty brown eyes. He reaches up to caress my cheek, which almost distracts me from his other hand that is slowly making its way up my thigh. I reach down and grab that one.

“What are you doing?” I question in a much less nervous voice than I expected.

He smirks, “What’s it look like? I’m playing gay chicken with you. Is it uncomfortable?” I think about the weight of his hand. It isn’t an altogether unpleasant sensation. Just strange because nobody has ever touched me like this before. I give my head a gentle shake and his smirk widens as he continues, “Just tell me when it is.”

Instead of jerking away like I know I should be, I stay still. His touch is actually getting increasingly more pleasant. In fact, looking at his deep tan skin and seeing his confident smile I begin to feel just a tiny bit aroused. Not enough to give me an erection, but enough to quicken my breathing and make me shut my eyes when his fingers ghost over my crotch.

Have I answered your question?” He asks in a husky voice once he’s pulled away.

I swallow, “Well I still can’t say that I’m one hundred percent gay, but I definitely like guys.”

He smiles shyly and looks down, “And what do you think…About me?” 

That shocks me. I didn’t think Rico actually liked me. I could probably see myself dating him, though. He’s small and cute and I bet he’d be fun to cuddle. It wouldn’t be fair to him, though. I’m still totally infatuated with Aaron. I sigh and put a hand on his shoulder, “You’re a great guy, but I’m still kinda hung up on my summer camp friend. Maybe if I ever find a way to get over him I’ll be able to think of you like that.”

He bites his lip and nods, “I understand that…So…I think it’s time I educated you in the wonders of the punk lifestyle.”

I laugh and nod and he begins showing me band after band that all actually sound great. Then he shows me more things that him and his friends enjoy and I have to admit…It’s awesome. I’ve never really had a personality or identity before, but I think I’m about to develop one.

It’s extremely close to nine-o’-clock by the time I get home. Considering that Mom didn’t even want to give me a curfew, I don’t think she’d mind if I was late, but I felt like going home anyway. Rico is a very tiring person to be around.

“I’m home!” I call as I make my way to my room. My bed sounds very inviting right now. I fall directly into it without even bothering with pajamas and am asleep in an instant.

“Aaaariii!” My brother’s voice wakes me up. I open my eyes only to discover that he’s lying next to me in my bed, staring intently at my face.

“A-Aaron?” I say sleepily, “What time is it?”

He smiles, “I think it’s like three?” His breath makes me recoil. He’s been drinking. A lot.

“Why are you in my room at three in the morning?” It’s still dark outside so I know it isn’t afternoon.

He surprises me by wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest, “I just want you to know how much I love you.”

At this point my face has to be redder than a tomato. My heart is trying to interpret his words in the wrong way, and has sped up to twice its normal rate. I have to keep reminding myself that he doesn’t mean it that way.

“I love you too.” I say, patting his back lightly. Hopefully he’ll go away soon.

He pulls back and shoots his lazy smile my way again, “You don’t mean that, but it’s okay.”

That’s a laugh. I mean it more than he’ll ever know. Maybe I could tell him, though…He is super drunk right now. He might not remember it in the morning. My mouth opens before I have a chance to doubt myself, “Actually, Aaron, I—”

A loud snore interrupts my words. I look down to see that he’s asleep, but I whisper the rest of my sentence anyway, “I love you so much more than I should.” Then I allow myself the guilty pleasure of curling into his chest and drifting back off. 


	6. Chapter 5

“What the fuck?” Aaron’s voice wakes me from my slumber and I gaze up at him sleepily. I take a moment to appreciate his warm body that is still pressed against mine before the previous night flashes back through my mind and I sit up blushing.

“Um, good morning!” I say, trying to rid myself of the awkward atmosphere.

“Uh, yeah, right. Mind telling me why I’m in your bed with you curled up to me like I’m your teddy bear?”

What can I say? If I tell him the truth he’ll know I was consciously canoodling with him. That’ll just stir up more questions! “I could ask you the same question! I mean, about being in my bed. I didn’t even notice you come in.” It’s just a little lie, and it’s for his own good.

He blinks, “Man, I must have been wasted last night. I don’t even remember leaving the party…”

I laugh halfheartedly, “Well that’s dangerous. But anyway, you can get out of my room now.”

He looks at me for a second before shaking his head and leaving. I breathe out a heavy sigh of relief. I did not need that. However, his removed presence is also proving to be a curse, because now everything is flooding back. I almost admitted my feelings to him. Whether he was drunk or not that was a dumb ass move. It’s just getting harder and harder to contain. It’s like the truth is trying to burst out of me and if I contain it any longer I’ll explode. I need to confide in someone before it gets to be too much. Ugh just sitting here with these thoughts is torturous! I need to get out of here.

I race downstairs and into my mother’s room, “Hey Mom can I have some money?”

She looks up from a book she was reading, “For?”

I want to go to the mall. I’m bored.” 

She shakes her head, “I’m not exactly made of money, Ari. And how do you plan on getting there anyway?”

I shrug, “I was going to walk.”

“That’s a really long walk. Why don’t I get Aaron to take you?”

Aaron? No, he’s the problem here! “No, no it’s okay! I need the exercise. I’m sure I can handle it.”

She looks at me skeptically, “It would be irresponsible in more ways than one for me to hand you money and send you on a walk across town.”

“I’ll be really careful. Please? You know I never ask you for anything.” I hate playing that card, but it’s true. My whole life I’ve been the least demanding child ever. I can tell she’s wavering, though. She just needs one more push so I train my puppy eyes on her, which makes her sigh.

“If you aren’t home by seven tonight I’m sending the cops after you.” I know she means it. She’s done it to Aaron on multiple occasions. I know she means well, though, so I don’t argue.

I take the money she pulls out of her purse and kiss her cheek, “Thanks Mommy!” I race up stairs quickly to get dressed and then I’m out the door.

The cool morning air works wonders for clearing my head. Pretty soon my thoughts are overrun by how beautiful the small amount of nature in this suburban wasteland is. Some people have flower boxes with full rainbows of blooms. And the few trees that line the street look beautiful in their fall colors. And over there, that horse is so majestic…wait…horse?!

I do a double-take and sure enough there is a black stallion walking down the side of the road. I mean, it isn’t a wild horse. It has a saddle and bridle and a rider…A rider with extremely familiar rainbow hair. I laugh when I see her.

“Jen!” I call from across the street.

She looks up and grins, waving at me. I check for cars before running up to her.

“Hey Ari. What’s up?”

I gape at her, “ _What’s up?_ What are you…I mean, why….You have a horse?!” I stutter out.

She flips her hair, which is up in a ponytail, “Yeah, my family owns a small ranch on the outskirts of town just before you get to the real countryside. This is the only vehicle they let me drive by myself.”

“That’s pretty cool,” I grin, “So what are you doing in town?”

“Just running some errands for Mom. What about you?”

I shrug, “I needed to clear my head so I’m walking to the mall.”

Her nose scrunches up, “That’s a lot of walking. Hop on, I’ll give you a lift.”

I look at her like she’s crazy, “But I’ve never ridden a horse before!”

“Oh come on. You don’t even have to do anything besides hold onto me. It’s really a piece of cake.” She holds out her hand and smiles.

I sigh and take her hand. She pulls me up behind her. “Why do I feel like I’m gonna regret this?” I ask as I wrap my arms around her waist.

“Dunno. Hold on!” she shouts as she snaps the reins, which of course makes the horse take off at full speed. I scream and grab her tighter. This was definitely the wrong choice.

It feels like forever before we slow down and inevitably stop. I open my eyes that were formerly squeezed shut and look around. Sure enough, we’ve made it to the mall in one piece. I have absolutely no clue how she accomplished that.

She turns and grins at me, “Thank you for traveling via Jen’s Pony Express. Please watch your step as you dismount.”

I sigh and slide off the horse before discovering that my legs have turned to jelly. It takes a couple of minutes to stop wobbling, but when I do I look back up at Jen, “Thanks for the ride I guess.”

“No need to thank me. I quite enjoyed having you clutch onto me. Why do you think I went so fast?” she winks. I feel my face redden as I try to stammer out a rejection. Then she blows a kiss, only worsening the problem, “I’ll see you around.” With that she spins the horse around and trots away. I shake my head as I walk inside. She’s such a strange girl.

I end up browsing the mall for a few hours before settling on something to buy. I choose to invest in an Mp3 player since I finally have a use for one. I’ll probably have to get Rico to put music on it later. I don’t think I’ll be able to find it myself.

I’m just about to leave when my phone starts vibrating. There are only two people who have my phone number so I’m very hesitant to answer it. The same reason is what drives me to take it out of my pocket and hold it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Are you almost done in there?” Of course it’s Aaron, “Mom told me to pick you up and I’ve been sitting in the parking lot for a while.”

I sigh, “Yeah. I was actually just on my way out.” I continue walking until I’m outside and then scan the lot for his truck. Of course he parked at the other end so I have to walk forever to reach him.

“Seriously? You spent all day at the mall for one tiny bag?”

I shrug, “I wasn’t just here to shop. I needed some alone time.”

He raises an eyebrow at that but doesn’t push the issue. Instead he just drives and we spend the way home in awkward silence.


	7. Chapter 6

I take a deep breath and raise my hand to knock on the menacing door. I did a lot of thinking over the weekend and decided there is only one person I can really take my problems to. The problem is I had a lot more courage when I was safe in my bedroom. Now that I’m standing here, staring at the shiny brass nameplate of Mr. Kerrington’s office, I can’t bring myself to go through with it. I just know he’s going to report me to the looney bin or something. I can’t have that! I’m not crazy!

I’m about to chicken out and walk away when the door opens of its own accord. Mr. Kerrington looks as shocked as I feel.

“Oh, hello,” he says, “Did you need to speak to me?” 

I swallow hard and attempt to shake my head no. Unfortunately, something in his kind eyes gets to me and I find my head going the opposite way. I guess it’s for the better. If I don’t talk to him now someone who has the right to spread my personal life around will end up getting an earful of my issues. I can just feel the impending doom.

“Well I was about to go on lunch break…I can go get my lunch and bring it back here if you don’t mind waiting a couple of minutes?”

“I don’t mind,” I say meekly. He instructs me to sit in his office, which I do. I sit patiently and observe the area. His office is pretty sloppy. Stacks of papers are scattered about with no discernable method of organization. On top of that, I had to move a stack of books just to be able to sit down. It’s not really an uncomfortable mess though. It makes Mr. Kerrington seem less intimidating. Maybe that’s why he does it…

“Alright,” he says upon finally returning. He sits behind his desk and opens his lunch box, pulling out a simple sandwich, bag of chips, and soda. Something tells me he lives alone. “What’s your name young man?”

“Ari Hix,” I say, sounding way more confident than I expected.

He nods, “And what are you having problems with?”

I freeze. I’ve come this far, so backing out would just be silly. Still, I can’t find the words to say. Just blurting out that I’m in love with my brother seems like a dumb plan. I look up at him, “I don’t really know how to say it…It’s a really heavy problem.”

He smiles, nodding again, “I see. Well, let’s ease into it. Start with something really small. Where do these problems stem from?”

I have to think some before answering that. How should I know where my problems come from? “I…I guess it comes from the fact that I’ve always been a bit of a loner. I never let anyone into my life.”

“And why don’t you?”

I look at my hands in my lap, “I don’t know. I just never have. Ever since middle school when everyone started breaking into cliques I haven’t fit in anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if I made myself be that way…”

“So you have no friends?”

“Oh, I do now.” I respond truthfully.

“Tell me about them.” I know this is some sort of therapist trick. He’s getting me to open up about my life and when I least expect it the real problem will slip out. I don’t want to fight it, though. If I do then I’ll never get it off my chest.

I tell him about my crazy friends, describing them in the best detail I can. I tell him about meeting Jen and how absolutely crazy she can be with her hyperactivity. I tell him about how I’ve begun to like their lifestyle, which in turn makes me belong in their group. Talking about that leads me to explain that Rico was the one who really got me interested. 

“But that was only after he helped me learn that I’m—” I stop myself quickly. I shouldn’t have, but the idea of admitting even this small detail scares me.

“That you’re what?” he says kindly.

I take a deep breathe, “Gay. I’m gay. Or at least bi…I don’t really know.”

“I see. Is that why you’re here? To discuss your sexual orientation?”

I shake my head, “No. That’s not it. Heck, I wish that was all, but I’ve mostly come to terms with that.”

“Well are we at least headed in the right direction?” I nod, “That’s good. We’re making progress. So tell me about this. Is there anybody in particular that you’re attracted to?”

A furious blush rises to my cheeks, “Y-yeah. He’s the problem.”

One of his eyebrows arches, “Oh? Why don’t you tell me about him?”

I shake my head, “No no no! This is wrong! I shouldn’t be here! I shouldn’t be talking about this,” the words are spilling out of me without my permission, submitting to my rapidly beating heart, “He doesn’t know. He _can’t_ know! He’ll hate me forever and I just can’t live with that! He…he…”

Mr. Kerrington’s hand on mine stops me. I look up and he smiles gently, “It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone. Can you tell me who it is?” I shake my head, “Well then I bet I can narrow it down. Is it one of the popular kids?” Another shake, along with some confusion. Has he had discussions like this before? “Then maybe he’s one of your friends?” Well, I like to think he’s my friend, but he doesn’t really fit under that category….I once again shake my head.

He sighs, “Can you at least tell me his name?”

His name? It probably isn’t too incriminating. I blush, “It’s Aaron.”

“Aaron what?”

I swallow harshly. Am I ready for this? Am I really ready to admit my biggest secret to someone? “H-Hix…”


	8. Chapter 7

“Hix?” He asks calmly, catching me by surprise, “Does he happen to be of relation to you?”

I nod, looking at the table, “He’s my older brother. I don’t mean to be attracted to him. It just happened, and…well…It’s not like I’ve acted on it, so….” I trail off, realizing that I’m letting my thoughts spill out of my mouth in an unfiltered stream.

I sneak a glance at Mr. Kerrington’s face long enough to see him nod thoughtfully, “Well, these are definitely not normal emotions. Is there a reason you felt like confiding them in me?”

“It’s getting worse.” I reply truthfully, “I feel like any day now I’m going to snap and tell him everything. I thought maybe if I told someone else it would make keeping it in easier.”

“That’s very mature thinking, and you’re absolutely right. Bottling up emotions is never a good idea. It’s always better to talk to someone. So why don’t you tell me a little bit about these feelings? I suppose just start at the beginning.”

And that’s exactly what I do. I start all the way at the soccer game and recap every major incident up to the weekend before. Mr. Kerrington lets me talk, nodding thoughtfully and scribbling notes the whole time. As I talk I feel much lighter, like a giant weight is being lifted off my shoulders. It’s exactly what I needed. I’m so glad I decided to do this.

He smiles at me when I finally finish, “I’m glad you were able to open up to me about this. Are you feeling better?” I nod, “Good. Why don’t you get back to class and if something else happens you can come back? My office is always open.”

I sigh as I get up. I don’t know why, but for some reason I was expecting some wonderful, extraordinary advice. I guess that was silly of me. It’s not like he has any experience on the matter. Shouldn’t he at least have told me to try to get rid of my feelings for Aaron, though? It’s completely irresponsible for him to knowingly let me have illegal emotions. I wonder what he would do if I acted on them…

“Thank you. I’ll probably be back soon,” I say before leaving. 

I make it back to class halfway through last period. After being questioned by the teacher about why I was late and having to have her call the office to confirm that I wasn’t truant because I forgot to get a note I make my way back to my seat. Today is apparently a work day, which I find odd so close to the beginning of the year. It makes sense seeing as we have our first project due in a couple days, but still. It’s boring, but also peaceful. 

When the bell finally rings to dismiss us I gather my things quickly. I have to ride the bus today since soccer practice is starting up for Aaron. I technically could wait around for him, but I don’t think that’s the best idea. It would take up too much of my time for one and for two I would be giving up an opportunity to avoid being close to Aaron. Anyway, because of this development, I’ve made it a goal of mine to be able to exit the school before—

“Ariiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!” Too late. I’m nearly tackled to the floor when Jen grabs me in a suffocating hug around my neck, “Where have you been?! I was so worried when you weren’t at lunch and then you weren’t in any of our classes after that. I thought something happened to you!”

I pat her back awkwardly, “Good to see you, too, Jen, but if we don’t get moving we’ll miss the bus.”

“Oh, right!” she says, releasing me. She then grabs my hand and begins pulling me toward the school exit, “But you _are_ telling me where you were still.”

I’m not entirely sure what to tell her. If I tell the truth, she’ll want to know what I was talking to Mr. Kerrington about. And I can’t exactly tell her that. I just got my friends. I don’t want to lose them just as quickly because I’m a freak. I finally settle on a lie and sigh, “I had a stomachache so I went to the nurse. She couldn’t send me home since I didn’t have a temperature, so I just sat around until it went away.”

“You poor thing,” she says as she shoves me into a bus seat, “I’m glad you’re feeling better, though. Anyway, you missed the most hilarious thing…” and then she goes on a ginormous babbling spree. I knew riding the bus with her would be hazardous to my health. I decide it’s best to just drown her out and stare out the window instead. It’s a wonderful way to clear my mind as I watch the streets pass by. It’s almost hypnotic how familiar the buildings are. I soon find myself drifting off into a daze.

“So, what do you think?”

I jerk out of my thoughts and stare at Jen like she just murdered my cat, “What?”

She glares at me, “Were you ignoringme?! Whatever. I asked if you want to come over sometime. You can get to know my horses better and we can invite the whole gang, like a back to school party for us social rejects. It’ll be so much fun!”

“Um…Yeah…Sure.” I say slowly.

She squeal and launches herself on me, “Great! Friday it is then. I’ll have to tell the others of course, but they never have anything going on…” she goes back to rambling and I decide I need to get off the bus soon. I can’t get away with drowning it out forever.

My phone goes off in my pocket suddenly. I take it out and see that I have a message from Aaron:  HEY TELL MOM ILL BE HOME LATE. IM GOING TO CINDY’S AFTER PRACTICE.

My heart stops for a moment. Cindy’s? As in, a girls house? He can’t have a girlfriend! That makes him even more untouchable than before! I guess it’s a good thing…Besides, I’m sure he’s had girlfriends before. He just never bothered to tell me about it. I really was pretty invisible to him before this year…Just his scrawny little brother. Somehow I don’t think that’s ever going to change. Even if he is being all protective this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually pretty sure I had more than this written. Basically the plot was that 1) Aaron starts showing mutual interest in Ari. 2) It turns out their mom is dating and planning to soon marry Mr. K 3) Uh idk maybe Ari and Aaron have someone on their side and he helps them get away with dating? Idk you can decide for yourself if this ends in angst or happiness.


	9. Bonus! I found Chapter 15 (I think)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't label this chapter so uh yeah idk where it fits

"What do you mean?"

 

A strange confidence builds in me, despite him still hovering so close to my face. "What does it sound like I mean? I made that story about a friend who moved away up."

 

"Why?! I thought you were being open with me..."

 

As much as I love Aaron, he's dense as a rock sometimes. I sigh as I look back at him, "Why? Why do you think? How much of a freak would I have looked like if I had just blurted out, 'oh, yeah, Aaron, you're that guy I've liked literally since the day I hit puberty. No big deal though'?"

 

He pauses for a moment. I think he really doesn't know how to respond to that, because he's just staring at me. Then he smirks, "That long, huh?"

 

I blush and looks down, "It's not really so long...." I mean, I'm almost fifteen, but that's still less than three years...

 

My face is suddenly buried in Aaron's chest as he hugs me close to him, sitting us up in the process, "You're adorable, you know that?" 

 

“Am not…” I protest, but wrap my arms around him. This is weird. This is really, really weird. Things aren’t supposed to turn out like this. I’m supposed to spend my whole life wishing I could have been with him. He’s not supposed to want the same thing. He’s not supposed to be hugging me so gently right now. He’s just throwing off my entire plans!

 

“You are,” he gently nuzzles my head with his nose, making me flinch at the unexpected sensation, “I’ve always thought so. You were just so…untouchable before. It’s almost weird that you’re letting me hold you like this right now.”

 

What is he, a mind reader? “I…feel the same way,” I chuckle slightly, but it comes out shaky and nervous. Luckily he doesn’t seem to notice, or at least doesn’t care, and chuckles back in response.

 

“Can I kiss you again?” 

 

I shake my head fervently, refusing to remove my face from his shirt. A surprise attack was one thing, but I am in no condition to willfully give away a kiss. Not even to him. _Especially_ not to him. I would be way too embarrassed! 

 

“Why not?” I can hear the disappointment in his voice.

 

“Because I’ll taste like leftover meatloaf, and probably feel like it too.” It’s a lame reason, but it’s a truthful one. Nobody wants to taste meatloaf when they kiss someone, and I’m just not experienced in that department at all.

 

“Aw, c’mon, I don’t mind!”

 

I don’t budge from my spot, “No means no!” 

 

“Well will you at least look at me? I want to see your face.”

 

“You’ll just try to kiss me if I do!”

 

“I won’t. Promise.”

 

Just in case, I pull one of my hands back in and cover my mouth before raising my head. I may be acting like a child, but I don’t really care. I keep my hold firm and meet his eyes. Suddenly, it becomes hard to breathe. The amount of emotion held in his eyes, the eyes that I’ve watched with longing for years, astounds me. I can feel tenderness and laughter and…love, just from the way he’s looking at me. it has my whole body burning with embarrassment. I don’t deserve that look. Not from him. Not from mister perfect soccer star. That look belongs to some beautiful girl. Why is he wasting it on me??

 

“And you say you aren’t adorable,” the joking accusation in his voice washes over me, and I resist the urge to retort. After all, that would require removing the current muffle I have placed on myself. Instead, I roll my eyes and he laughs.

 

“If I can’t kiss your mouth, can I kiss other places?”

 

I raise an eyebrow at him. Where?

 

“Like…here?” Before I can protest his lips land on my cheek, lingering for a second before releasing. I’m frozen in place from that. I didn’t think he was actually going to do something! “Or here?” and then he kisses my ear. A small shiver runs through me. What is he doing?! This is way to.. “Here?” his lips graze over my neck, and my eyes close of their own accord, a breath hitching in my throat. Intimate! This is way too intimate for us having just revealed our feelings!

 

It’s only when I feel his fingertips brushing over the small strip of skin beneath my shirt that I find it in myself to move. I stumble off the bed and stand there for a second, staring at him with wide eyes, “I-I’m sorry! This is just moving really quickly and I…think I need some time alone to reflect! I’ll see you in the morning!” Then I dash out of the room, down the hall, and into mine. This is just too much. I can’t handle it all in such a sort amount of time. I’ll explode!

 

Once I’m safely hidden under my blanket on my bed I pull out my phone to call the one person I know I can talk to about this. The only problem is that this call has as much potential to be harmful as it does to be helpful. I can’t hold this all in, though. I have to tell someone.

 

“What’s up,sweet cheeks?” Jen answers after just a couple of rings.

 

“Are you by yourself?” I ask instead of answering her. I can’t be sure what her reaction is going to be, so it’s a necessary precaution.

 

“Well, you’re about the last person I’d expect to hear flirting with me, but I’ll play along. I do happen to be alone, and in my best lingerie.”

 

I groan. Why does she have to turn everything into a joke? This isn’t the time for that! “I don’t care what you’re wearing, Jen. I just need to talk to you!”

 

“Fiiiine,” I can hear the pout in her voice, “What’s on your mind? Trusty Jen is here to listen.”

 

“Good.” Then I recount the entire evening’s events to her, starting with Mr. K and ending with Aaron. It sounds like a lot less when I’m actually saying it, especially when I feel like I just lived through several nights.

 

Jen is quiet for a while before speaking in a strained voice, “Is it ok if i scream in your ear, or do I need to all back when I’m calm?”

 

“Uhhh….I can just…put the phone down?” 

 

“Oh, good. Do that then.”

 

I quickly slam the earpiece into my pillow, but can still faintly hear the high pitched screeching. It gets on for a good few minutes. I’m glad that I took that route, because I probably wouldn’t be able to hear right now if I hadn’t. I wait another minute after she stops to pick the phone back up again.

 

“You done?”

 

“Yeah, I think so.” She sounds out of breath. “So, what I’m gathering is that the guy who has been the source of your sanity for a very long time is going to be your new dad and you’ve moved on into full blown forbidden romance, right?”

 

“More or less, that’s what’s going on…”

 

“THEN WHY ARE YOU SITTING HERE TALKING TOME??!! GO BE WITH YOUR MAN!”

 

I groan, “Didn’t you hear me? I can’t! He’s moving way too fast. I’m, like, a virgin, Jen. I can’t just rush into heavy makeout sessions like it’s nothing. I need to take things slow.”

 

“Hmmm…Ok, I get what you’re saying. But, dude, your body has been screaming at you for this for how long? And now you’re _running away?”_

 

“I’m not running away. I’m pushing pause. I need to gather my thoughts, and you’re not really helping that, no offense.”

 

She sighs, “Fine, take your time, sweet, but don’t be too distant or else you might lose him. Ok?”

 

“Ok…Bye, Jen.” 

 

“Bye sweet pea, call anytime.”

 

I hang up the phone and lay back on my bed. What in the world am I going to do?


	10. Bonus! I found Chapter 16!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a noticeable time skip here and a lot of missing stuff but uh....they kiss so...

The next few days are awful. I can tell Aaron is tip-toeing around me. We hang out a little more than usual, and he holds my hand in the truck and stuff, but it feels all wrong. Instead of a happy, relaxing air we end up under this awkward blanket of forced small talk. It’s suffocating. And it’s my fault. But I just can’t bring myself to talk about it. It’s too embarrassing. So instead I just end up ranting to Jen about it, but even she gets fed up and tells me to just be a man and get it over with. 

 

All of this is running through my head as I shuffle down the hallway. Thanks to that I don’t really see where I’m going and my face ends up in someone’s chest. I back up quickly and start to stutter out an apology when I hear a pretty familiar chuckle.

 

“Careful there, kiddo. You should really watch where you’re going.” Steve says. I just continue staring at my feet. I don’t want to talk to him right now. I still feel pretty betrayed. It’s not like he’ll help me with my problems anyway…

 

“Yeah, sorry. I’ll be more careful.” I say before attempting to step around him.

 

“Something’s wrong.” He says. It’s a statement. One that says “I can read you like a book.” That makes me angry. What does he really know about me? Probably a lot more than I’ve told him. How many dates did he spend asking Mom questions about me? How much information did he pry out of the person who raised me so he could pick apart my brain?

 

“It’s none of your business.” I put some steel into my voice before walking stiffly away. 

 

I can feel his eyes drilling into m as I get further from him, and am only able to relax once I’m around the corner. He isn’t happy about that encounter. I don’t need to ask him to know that, and I soon find that I’m right. Halfway through the next class the intercom blips. After a short greeting from my teacher the bored, nasally voice on the other end says, “Please send Ari His to the counsellor’s office.”

 

And so I pry myself out of my seat and shuffle into the hall. I consider going to hide somewhere instead of actually facing Steve, but I figure he’ll find me eventually. So I find myself in my usual chair across from his desk, avoiding eye contact at all costs. It isn’t fair. He used to be the one person I could trust with anything, and now I don’t feel like I can even tell him what color my underwear are today without it being overanalyzed. There’s no way I can tell him what happened with Aaron. He’ll flip shit. When it was just a one sided tiny crush he was fine with it, but now it’s _illegal_ and between his possible future step sons! 

 

“Tell me what’s going on,” he says plainly. This irritates me even more. In fact, I’m pretty sure that anything that he says will irritate me, which means we aren’t going to get anywhere. 

 

“Why?” I ask. I’m not giving him anything.

 

He sighs, “You’re mad at me.”

 

I roll my eyes. _Duh._ “Not really _mad_. More like irritated, distrusting, betrayed…”

 

He smiles with a sad look in his eyes, “I haven’t told your mom anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. That would technically be against my job description.”

 

I huff, “So what? I mean, shouldn’t your job also be to keep me from pursuing illegal emotions?” The venom in my voice is seeping through more and more.

 

He tilts his head to the side, “If I thought something was going to come of them, yes. However, I think that surrounding yourself with a new group of friends will rewrite your attachments and this little phase you’re going through will pass.”

 

“Phase??” Now I’m getting louder and I have no clue how to stop, “What part of anything I’ve said to you makes you think I’m going through a phase?! GOD! We fucking _made out_ in his room the other night and you’re telling me that I’ll just _get over it?!_ Well news flash: I’m not!”

 

We sit in silence for a couple moments before what I said really registers. I gasp and slap my hands over my mouth.

 

He blinks at me, clearly dumfounded, “You…didn’t tell me that Aaron was developing feelings for you as well.”

 

Tears start forming in my eyes. Tears of embarrassment. Tears of anger. Tears of fear. What is he going to do, now that he knows? He could, like, get us sent to a real looney house or at the very least split us up…Why. Why do I have such a big mouth? Now everything is ruined and I’ll never sort things out and…and…

 

“Wh-who said he did?” It comes out as a whisper; not even I was expecting the words, but apparently I’m going with denial. “H-he…I caught him off guard and now he…hates me…” God, he’ll never buy this!

 

“Hmmm…that’s unfortunate. Are you sure that’s how he feels?”

 

A little confidence builds up, “Yes. He hides in his room whenever we’re in the house together and he won’t look at me while we eat, and I have to take the bus because he won’t let me in his truck.”

 

Steve nods, thoughtful, “You’re not going to want to hear this, but maybe it’s for the best. Take this chance to move on. Find yourself a healthy relationship.”

 

Yeah, right. “Maybe…you’re right, but…it still hurts.”

 

“I’m sure it does. Take your time.Mourn a little if you need to, and then you can be free of this unhealthy crush once and for all.”

 

This is the scary part. I have to act opposed to this idea, but also give in to it without seeming too easily swayed, “Didn’t you hear me earlier? It’s not going away. I can’t move on.”

 

He reaches over and places a hand on my shoulder, “You really can. I believe in you, and I’m here to help if you need me.”

 

I chew on my lip, pretending to think, “I’ll try, but…I don’t think I’ll be coming here for a while. I nee to do this on my own…And I think our connection is too complicated now anyway…”

 

He sighs, “You’re right, I suppose. I knew that would happen eventually. Good luck. I’ll see you around.”

 

I nod, holding back the grin of victory that is threatening to surface, before hurrying out the door. I have no idea how I got away with that, but I did. Now I have an excuse to avoid him _and_ I still have Aaron. Perfect.

 

That night I go into Aaron’s room after dinner. Just like with Steve, I need to face this head on. It’s already been too long with us doing this middle school dating routine. I can’t stand it for very long, and I need to stop being a wimp. I’m not stupid; I know this is all my fault. I’m the one who ran away on that first night, and I’m the one who still acts scared when I’m around him and hasn’t told him that I’m ok with whatever he wants to do. Because why wouldn’t I be? Ugh I’m stupid.

 

He looks up from his desk where he’s apparently doing homework and smiles, “Hey, what’s up?”

 

I close the door and walk over to him. Without a word I move his arm to sit in his lap and bury my face in his neck. I feel his arms go around me and warmth shoots through me, filling me with happiness at the same time. 

 

“You ok?” he asks, probably thrown off by my affection.

 

I nod, “Yeah. I’m sorry.” My voice is muffled by his shirt, but I’m are he hears me.

 

“Sorry for what?” 

 

“For shoving you away for no reason. I love you.” I snuggle closer, hoping he understands me without implicit words. I can’t do the whole heartfelt explanation thing, and I sure as hell can’t initiate anything myself.

 

I hear a smile in his voice when he speaks, “I love you, too.” And then I feel exactly what I was hoping for. His lips brush over my exposed neck. Just like last time I shiver and gasp, but this time I don’t fight the sensation. 

 

“Can I kiss you now? For real?” He asks, breathing the words into my ear.

 

I give a small nod and sit up, glancing into his eyes before shutting mine as his face gets closer. Then we’re connected again and I find myself struggling to keep up with his movements. Apparently all of those girlfriends he’s had weren’t for nothing. I try to keep that thought from my mind though, because I don’t want to fill myself with jealousy. 

 

He does something unexpected then and pries my lips open with his. I feel the wet warmth of his tongue as it slips inside my mouth. I don’t know what to do with this development. My head is spinning. His tongue feels strange and foreign, but at the same time I love it. I’m filled with him in all of my senses now and I find myself drowning in it. My breathing is rugged, matching clumsily with his. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on this all these years.

 

After what feels like forever, but also way too short a time, he pulls away and rests our foreheads together. I slowly open my eyes to find that he’s done the same and stare into his deep blue irises. 

 

“What do you say we continue after I’ve done my homework?”

 

I nod in agreement, but it still takes me a moment before I can get myself to rise off his lap and move to his bed to wait.


	11. Bonus? Is it a bonus if there's 3? Anyway this is where I left off

“Ah-Ahhh,” I can’t hold the noise in the noise as I come all over Aaron’s hand. Jeez Louise what are we doing? This is the farthest thing from normal sibling interaction. Yet here I am, laying in his room as he jerks me off. Or…jerked me off. I flush as the full realization hits me. All those nights imagining this exact scenario with myself as a substitute and the whole thing was just a few overly-confident words away. However, I now face a worse problem: Aaron’s obvious erection that lies just beneath his jeans. I didn’t think this far ahead earlier as I helped him slide my jeans down, caught up in the moment of the heated, sloppy kissing. Now I fidget in place wondering what exactly I’m supposed to do. I’ve never done this to another person after all; just myself, alone, while muffling my voice in a pillow.

 

“You’re so cute,” Aaron’s voice startles me out of my thoughts. How long have I just been sitting here…Staring at his crotch? Was I staring there? Or did my gaze find its way back to the ceiling at some point? All I know is Aaron now has a clean hand and there’s a small pile f tissues on the floor. Tissues filled with my…I hide behind my hands.

 

“That was so embarrassing,” I mutter out.

 

He laughs, “What was embarrassing about it?” I feel the bed dip down next to me just before fingers run through my hair. He must have lain down next to me, “You’re face when you’re turned on is sexy,” This whispered directly next to my ear, making me shiver.

 

“S-shut up!” I peek through my fingers to glare at him with one eye, “That’s even more embarrassing.”

 

He sighs, but smiles and wraps an arm around me, pulling me in closer, “If you say so.”

 

I sit there for a little bit more, gathering what little bit of courage I actually have, “U’um…Aaron…you…”

 

“Shhh,” he hushes softly into my hair, “Don’t worry ‘bout it. I’ll be fine.”

 

“But…”

 

“Look, Ari,” He sighs, “I can tell your new to this kinda stuff. I mean, I knew that, but you’re, like, female virgin new. So I’m gonna do what any respectable gentleman would do and let you take things t your own pace.”

 

Part of me flares up with indignation, but he’s right. I’m overwhelmed with the little bit we’ve done already. I don’t think I need to push it. “Thanks.” 

 

He kisses my head softly, “Now, I’ve got my homework done; what about you?”

 

My eyes widen as his words suddenly bring to mind my English teacher’s humorless scowl, “Shit, yeah, I should probably do that…But….” i tun and snuggle into him. I don’t want to let go. He’s so warm and comfortable, and no matter how long I’m here my chest is still full of fizzy warm bubbles…

 

“Go on,” he says with a laugh, “If you’re a good boy and do your homework I’ll let you sleep in here tonight.” 

 

Yes. That. That is a wonderful suggestion. In fact, it is exactly the motivation I need to scramble off the bed and pull up my pants in an embarrassing rush after realizing they were still down. Then I make my way to the door and pause only briefly to look back at him.

 

“You better still be awake when I get back.”


End file.
